Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
