that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
