I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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