Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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