Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
