a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
