His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
