so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
