Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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