I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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