Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
