so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She told me I should be a condom model.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
