omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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