He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
