Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
