I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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