i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
