Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sorry about my life...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
