Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
