Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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