ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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