The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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