He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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