mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
