God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't deserve a penis
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
