see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
