i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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