Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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