haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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