Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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