I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
someone owes me an orgasm
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
