Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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