you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
