And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
