unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
