so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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