Small penises have feelings too.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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