oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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