Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
