$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My bed smells like the plague
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