I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
