She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
