I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
