Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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