Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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