and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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