Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
