Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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