we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
