carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
