Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
