I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
