went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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