ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
